Make More Feelings

Holy shit.

"Sometimes life sticks to the floor so bad, you know, a mop ... a mop: it's not good enough. You gotta get down there like with a toothbrush and you gotta really scrub. You gotta get it off!" - UHF

So I just finished cutting a video for this counseling center in Beverly Hills - one of those non-profit organizations that thrives on the excess wealth of local philanthropists. And one of the lead donors to the Counseling Center is a real estate agent, who, when he was 15, experienced the suicide of his mother. In his words:

"My mother killed herself in the family sedan. And she SHIT all over. And I HAD TO CLEAN UP THE SHIT. Because there was no one else around to do it."

Imagine how that must feel. No. Seriously. Imagine. How. That. Must. Feel.

You want to be a writer don't you?

I ask myself that question a lot. And I don't have an answer off the top of my head. Because in my head, I don't want to be a writer. In my head, it fucking hurts way too much to be a writer. I don't want to sit. And think. All day. It gives me headaches.

BUT. In my heart, I know the answer to the question is 'yes, I want to write.' Because I want to FEEL things that real writers feel. The joy, the fear, the sorrow, the anger. Oh the anger!!!

Here's the problem:

BLOCKAGE. Not in my mind. But in my BODY. There's this lack of feeling there. Like I'm missing out on something. All work. No play ...

The shitty conundrum: you move to Hollywood to write a few screenplays. Unfortunately, that's a skill that takes time and discipline to perfect. Meanwhile, Hollywood living is some $pendy shit. Especially if you want to live where it doesn't suck.

Another thing about Hollywood: it's just a little bit cold. I'm not talking weather of course but the people: they're icy sometimes. Not so much that they're mean, it's just emotional vacancy - sort of a survival tactic in Southern California - a safe way to deal with the racial tension (yes, it's very real out here), the class separation, the homeless, the filth, the fury. I don't condemn people for being emotionless. Shit, I championed that attitude for years .... and I'm just now beginning to pull out of it.

Once in a while I read about Hollywood back in the roaring 20's. Back when the scene was really Fresh. When cars were new and flappers were the coolest thing to hit America since the bees knees. Hollywood seemed one giant artist community (kinda like Austin, Texas but with a lotta money). Actually, Hollywood still is somewhat of an artist community. At least, if you can get past all the fucking advertisements.

Sometimes I think Actors have the right idea - just grab a slice of fame, party like it's 1999 and fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. Oh wait, that's a different industry altogether.

One thing that actors have in abundance that SO MANY writers seem to lack (and I took plenty enough writing courses in college to catch this first hand) is PASSION.

Makes sense. Many writers are stuck in their heads; Like, they don't know what to think about what they're feeling. In other words:

they think too much.

WE CAN'T THINK OURSELVES into feeling. At least, that's what I'm feeling as approach some free time this month & a screenplay that's been brewing in me for two years now.

We can't think ourselves into feeling. But we can feel our way into thought: when there's no blockage. When we're open to everything. If it means pain. Sorrow. Anger. Whatever. It's all good. It's all LIFE.

This is not to undermine scientific techniques practiced by many a successful writer. It's the combination of scientific theory with creativity that creates some of the best shit ever (and I'm not just talking movies).

But from someone who has met a lot of "writers" in his life, I have to be very harsh on the whole bunch us. Myself included. We're often far in our heads, too busy thinking - contemplating meaning and rationality, when really ...

We should make more feelings.

OUTTA THE VALLEY AND INTO THE HILLS (aka Daniel Larusso's Wettest Dream)

30 days ago I had an epiphany.

I'll try to sum up the epiphany up in words (though I'm discovering the larger feelings in life are limited to experience) ...

30 days ago I decided to move to a Higher Elevation. To escape the San Fernando Valley (for reasons unlimited).

Now, I have 2 days to move my shit out of the valley and into Beachwood Canyon:
Beachwood Cyn circa 1920's

Anyway, April is the perfect month to move as tax refunds are ripe for security deposit. All I gotta do now is figure out how to cover the 40% rent increase ...

Easy. Just work more.

12 hour days will occasionally become 18 hour days (split between two gigs sometimes). And the other night I went down to take a nap between editing stints and felt my heart palpitate like I couldn't remember it palpitating before. But it didn't bother me. In fact, learning how to manage stress at that level empowers one further.

It's a steep slope, but such is life. No risk: no reward. I visualize myself in a month or two, or three - when I'm finally situated in the new place, with enough surplus cash to actually sit down and WRITE.

I thought I could do this in The Valley. I took three months off earlier this year to write ... And all I have to show for it are 4 character sketches (albeit solid ones) and less than ten pages of script.

Life was getting boring. No inspiration: no pages. Not to say that inspiration doesn't come from living in shitty places - it does. But another thing I'm learning is that I need to CONTINUE to EXCEL to NEW HEIGHTS in life. Otherwise, I just get disinterested with myself and the feelings I'm trying to portray on-page.

And I think there's something to be said for LIVING AT YOUR ABSOLUTE PEAK. And I want to say that that's when your BEST writing material comes to you. At your peaks.

Actually, I take that back. I think your best material comes when you're at your extremes - either absolute peak OR rock bottom. But who wants to hit rock bottom just to tell a fuckin story? I did once. And I wouldn't dare attempt to write that story until I've successfully mastered the craft through at least a half-dozen other projects.

"Writing is the most disciplined of all the arts" - Louise Brooks

It's true.

Bruckheimer's Hollywood

Excerpts from a recent interview with Jerry Bruckheimer (from Rotten Tomatoes):

BRUCKHEIMER: In the old Hollywood system, studios used to have writers under contract. Every screenplay went through five different writers. It started with the plotter, the guy who wrote the great plots, then they'd give it to the character person, then they'd it to the punch up dialogue, then they'd give it to the female writer, who bolstered the female characters, then they'd bring in somebody, if it was an action movie, who understood how to write action... it went through all these different hands. That's why you have all those great movies in the '30s and '40s that had brilliant dialogue; they went through so many different typewriters.

RT: Do you think a similar writing system could work today?

BRUCKHEIMER: Well, we sort of do it. It's rare that we have writers like Ted Elliott and Terry Rossio, who can actually do everything. The problem is, there may be ten of them in Hollywood, and they're always busy so you can't always get them. So you have to find somebody else and nurture them along, or you have to go through a bunch of different computers to get where you have a complete screenplay.

...

1. Are there really only 10 writers in Hollywood capable of "doing everything?" That's good news.

2. Bruckheimer is the most (monetarily) successful producer of all time. He produces the most expensive movies on planet Earth. And yet, he "can't always" get the best writers to work for him? That doesn't make $en$e. Why not pay the extra few million (out of your $200+ budget) and buy the best writers? They're never too busy for a golden paycheck.

I haven't enjoyed a Bruckheimer movie since The Rock. And he hired Tarantino to do a polish of that script. So maybe shuffling scripts through various writers works sometimes.

BUT MAYBE THE ORIGINAL WRITERS THAT BRUCKHEIMER HIRES JUST DON'T HAVE THEIR SHIT TOGETHER. So why hire them in the first place?

Producers have nurtured writers since the advent of the screenplay, right? Fuck it!

I saw a giant billboard on Sunset this evening of new the Apatow-wannabe comedy "I Love You, Man." I imdb'd it a few hours ago, clicked on the full cast and crew listing and counted EIGHT producers. Then I chose a random 50's big budget comedy - Some Like it Hot - and imdb'd it: THREE producers.

What the fuck do we need the extra FIVE producers for?

To "write" the movie, perhaps because the writer didn't do it?

I mean, producers want quality, right? - if they read it, they buy it.

But if they don't read it, they get ideas, and nurture them to fruition "through a bunch of different computers."

Notice Bruckheimer doesn't say "through a bunch of different WRITERS?" Hmmm ... So COMPUTERS generate movies now. Makes perfect sense.